~*/ m | c h 3 L L 3 \*~

Nobody knows me better than myself.. I know 'Me' best..

Seems like everyone's at crossroads now.. after graduation... Hmm.. now for me though.. i have my future all planned out *oOpS* no offence

I went to Germin's house on Monday...she was supposed to cook for me..But...haha~ reached her house at about 6pm...and we just stick our butts on the sofa til abt 9pm..chat about many things..well, basically she was just digging out my "sluttiest" moments (as usual). It feels good...to meet up with a good old friend...just to chat...and i mean, just chat.. i feel so comfortable with her leh..dunno why.. she's the only friend that even if we haven't met in ages, the 'closeness' seems to be there..haha~ that's how i feel lah, not sure about her though *er hem* CHatted about many things...friends, church, boyfriends, family, school, work etc...

Friends around us have changed...that includes us of course.. Like those who were once my really close friends... we haven't like utter a word to each other for more than 6 months? it doesn't feel good leh..i dun like this feeling.. have i changed? or waT?? or was is that now that we've grown up, our views on things have changed, no longer agreeing with each other... lost that 'common interest' that bond us together?

Sharon's getting married on 29th May.. would really love to attend her wedding..but..hmm.. i guess it'll be weird leh.. But germ's going to the wedding with me, so it won't be that bad.. wait till the day gets nearer then i'll decide..

And my birthday's coming!!...and i'm a week older than GerM (28th May)! *keke* i'm not exactly excited about it.. well, for the past few years, my close frends would celebrate it for me..we make it a point to celebrate for each other.. But, it won't be the same now.. i dunno..i remember... for the past 2 years, my family did not celebrate with me too...thought i really wanted them too... they were too busy..for me.. to bother about my little special occasion...to them, there are other more important things for them to handle.. No one knows...i've cried myself to sleep those nights.. i still get presents from friends lah...and greetings..but that's not close to my heart at all.. In fact, i'm quite afraid when my birthday comes..coz i really dun wan to go about expecting some surprises, when there's not gonna be one...i'll really be disappointed...but, when i dun expect anything and surprises come, i dun like it..it frightens me..haha~ weird... It's just a birthday anyway...

20-years-old-to-be...

Just came back from '3 days, 2 nights' camping at dar's house *haha* i had a nightmare last night, and i woke up crying...Dar was so shocked! haha~ dreamt that his mummy, daddy, younger bro, him and i went out for breakfast on a sunday morning...and dunno what happened, i got angry with him with some inney weeny stuff, and i went home...but he never came after me...no phone calls, no msg...nothing! well, decided to give in...called him, but he never pick up my calls...Finally after very long, he picked up...and he says he's driving...his mom, dad, and bro behind...then i asked who's infront...he plainly says it's HER! My goodness..i cried like anything...so angry..just a few hours, and he went back together with his ex! All those promises that he gave, all those sweet honey words that came outta his mouth were all shit! i even went to his house to confront him...and he says it's not convenient to let me in, coz SHE's in the room...and he actually told me that he's only after my body..SHIT man...*argh* This DREAM, althought it's just a DREAM... it's super realistic man...

I opened my eyes, and saw Dar beside me...my first reaction is to move away from him...keep a distance away from him....and i woke him up..*keke*...and i cried like a baby~ so ugly...haha~ OH! damn...i also dream that SHE threw all the stuff i bought for Dar away...and all my things that are left at his house! hmPH!

I dunno...having mixed feelings now..i really dunno if we can be together for as long as we want...i mean...the future is unseeable.. no one can promise anything.. for no one knows tomorrow.. maybe because i've been into a few relationships in the pasts, and ...well, do i call it 'phobia'? i can't stand heartaches...and the best way to not experience heartache, is not to get into any relationship at all..

so sleepy.. *gee* it's night time again.. somehow, i always feel emotional and think alot when i'm alone.. I'm so overwhelmed by all the things around me..family, friends, work, loved ones...... Things do not seem favourable to me at all.. i'm not myself anymore..i've lost my bubbliness and cheerful self..and i'll never find it back again..i know..i never will.. i'm a bitch..really..you just won't know what i'm thinking about..what i'm gonna do.. i'm fake.. nobody will know me better than myself..

Shopping List:
2 formal skirts
2 formal tops
1 jacket
1 dress
2 skirts
2 tops
1 wallet for daddy
1 bag for mummy
3 pierre cardin bras
1 tifanny & co. bracelet & necklace
1 belt for dar
1 pair of pants for dar

Rebecca - age 8.
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4.
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5.
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrisy - age 6.
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4.
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure taste is OK."

Danny - age 7.
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7. (Wow!)
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate."

Nikka - age 6.
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt,then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7.
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6.
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8.
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4. *hahaha*
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Jessica - age 8.
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

~*~*~*~* I Like This Best! *~*~*~*~

Lauren - age 4.
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Accept me for who i am if you really love me, if you can't...others will. Well, at least, God does!

miss my friends.. been reading my friends' blogs..then i realised that we haven't met each other for like 4 years..since sec 4...GoSh...i really miss them...i really do... it makes me think back in the past...in sec sch...it was really a very fun time.. getting into trouble together, getting punished together ( i mean, getting into trouble was no fun).. but it was just so carefree...unlike now...so many things to think about..well, "there's always a price to pay for growing up", and the price that i paid was my innocence..*keke* hey, i'm a good girl k!

i give up, i really give up.. i somehow feel that this relationship is going no where.. it's not real at all..i can't be myself, who i really am.. goodness, quarrels and arguements everyday..i can't stand it..can't tolerate it anymore.. i rest my case on this...

i really wonder how my friends are getting along in their relationship with their bf...kam..see toh..jasmine..etc... been reading their blogs, seems like they get along pretty well ...so, issit just me? am i the problem or they just never post the "negative" side on blog? *keke* well, it's driving me crazy~

kam.. shall we meet up soon? i'm missing you..lotz!

*siGh* i hate rainy days..it makes my mood bad..

She's missing him.. and i'm boiling.. well, it must be him that she's missing..if not, who else? *argh* sounds ridiculous that i'm getting jealous over such stuff...so what if i am? your business or mine?

Exam's tmr..and i've yet to start revising..i dun even have the notes..and that bloody teacher never post it on MEL, how am i suppose to get the notes? Can't bE bothered...

My piano teaching schedule is all mixed up..when will i ever get it back on track again? Cancelled lessons donkey time coz of work.. and i feel totally irresponsible..spoil my market..

He's my 4th, not sure if he's my last..as much as i want him to...but............ i dunno, just feel that things somewhere, somehow is not right.. I dun like the way things are now.. I'm afraid to get hurt.. i wasn't supposed to be in a relationship after 'him'...i told myself that...but........... am i too demanding? *sheesh* i just feel that this relationship is not real..it's not close to heart...it seems so fake, so artificial... i dunno..i can't explain...

*HeCk*