~*/ m | c h 3 L L 3 \*~

Seems like another aimless day again today...not aimless lah..just.. BORED...nothing to do.. got home at about 1pm today...stayed over at Dar's place last night.. He suddenly pounced on me in the middle of the night..mumbled some stuff, then went back to slept..think he had a nightmare! and he drooled all over me last night... and i only noticed it when i opened my eyes this morning when i woke up...so i pretended that he pushed me off the bed, and i laid on the mattress *keke* strange...the moment i got onto the mattress, he seems to notice my absense... so he woke up.. now i know...the best way to wake him up is to disappear... then he'll wake up and look for me *hee* He had 4 nightmares last night...and the part where he pounced on me was his 3rd nightmare... i'm not gonna tell you his nightmares over here...guess he'll tell all about it in his blog tmr...

Anyway, i got home at about 1pm...and i played the computer for about an hour, then went to take a nap.....till about 6pm! woke up when i hear noises coming from the living room.. everyone was eating cheesecake... shannie just got back from Australia a few days ago, and brought back 6kg worth of cheesecake..not forgetting other goodies!

She kinda like just "broke" off with his "bF"... why i put inverted commas is because..they were never together... they got to know each other in poly year one...and now that both of them have graduated, they maintained that good friend relationship..however, i guess shannie habor the idea that they were already BF & GF.. goodness...after 4 years(a few days ago), when Samuel when out with other girls.. and Shannie found out... she scolded him...or rather..NAGGED... which then, Samuel asked her why should she control him when she not even his GF? It was then...that she realised that Samuel has always treat her as a good friend..but Shannie has treated him as his BF!

i dunno, and have no comment over this...but i thought that this matter is like.. very SIMPLE! i mean... NO ONE has ever said or clarified what their relationship was... even when i asked Shannie, who is he to you... she couldn't tell me a firm "Yes, he's my bf".... you see the point? *sigh* one-sided i guess... I'm sure this will not happen to me.. as in, even if i liked a guy, and the guy doesn't reciprocrate his feelings, i will NOT pretend that he's my BF...and will not think that he's my BF... i mean, there must be someone who "proposed" to start a relationship mah... how would any blur blur think that they were together, and only to find out after 4 years, that they were just friends..aiyoh..i dunno what to say.. it ridiculous.. Shannie, is you happen to read this... so sorry...i'm just penning down my honest opinions...and get over him.. you've better taste..and there's definately more out there for you to spend the rest of your life with... so...GET OVER HIM..

Darling is feeling so depressed... i'm really afraid that he might get depression leh..i'm serious.. he DOES NOT want to go for his attachment... At Ubi... he lives in Sembawang... lucky thing he drives..BUT the parking fees there is like $1/hour..so it'll cost him $8/day if he park his car there... he drove me to his work place last friday.. looked around.. decided to park at the HDB flats near by.. and his pathetic pay of $450/month can't even cover the parking fees... not to mention. 9am to 6pm working hour..includes sat...9am to 1pm... He's utterly depressed... guess it's like JAIL to him... for 3 bloody long months.. so if anyone pities him, please help him look for a company... that is looking for part-time attachment students... for 3 months... pays about $450.. work only from monday to friday.. and near sembawang!! the only thing BAD about the attachment now is that..it's too far!! UBI !!.. and sat is a work day! ..not to mention OT!! i'm clueless abt how to help him also...

Everyone around me is liking engaged or married.. so soon! Wonder when will be my turn.. really quite afraid of it.. living with someone for the rest of my life.. the ONLY fear i have is... REGRET..i mean, i'm afraid to chose the wrong person to spend the rest of my life with... then gotta end up divorcing.. and etc.... and not to mention ABUSE! so many cases of husbands having affairs outside, then coming home to abuse their wives... ohmigoodness... Everytime when i thought of this, i wish i were a guy... and i wouldn't ever wanna get married...

Future u.n.k.n.o.w.n

I'm a selfish ass who wants the whole world to listen to my command, and i wanna take control of everything... everyone's life... i take away freedom... i wish to dominate every soul.. Shit..i'm over doing.. He can't take it.. Blame who but myself... I'm wrong to bother so much about his affairs.. In future, i should just leave him alone...and let him do whatever he wants.. whether he wanna wear that pink shirt or put on back that rusty silver ring or theirs, it's none of my business.. Nah, i won't say none of my business...i would say...even if he wears THAT pink shirt or put on back that ring, i am supposed to 'trust' him.. ya, i hope i really can..

He's feeling a TOTAL LOST OF FREEDOM... and i'm ruling his life.. WoNdErFoOL.. i'm controlling it..it's all in my hands.. Fine, i'll let go.. Let LooSe.. Fly away~

Damn me.. i ate lunch at Chantalle's house, and i pretended that i was hungry and had not eaten anything so as to find an excuse to go NYP to eat with him.. to see him... Right after Chantalle's lesson at 1130am, i could just go home and play Digby's Doughnut... instead, i took a cab down to J8, wanting to get a formal shirt for him.. so i could pass it to him when i meet him later at NYP... turned down WildWildWet appointment with Gilbert just to lunch with him.. called me at 12pm and told me to be down at NYP right away coz he's hungry.. God, if only i could be at 2 places at a time.. Think i know teleporting power? Sui chuan sui dao? Anyway.. i never got that pink shirt in the end, afraid i'll get the wrong size.. ShiT, why am i worrying so much? worrying about him not having enough formal shirts to wear... why am i caring so much about him? bought him a wallet, watch, shirts, lighter, ring etc..... i mean, not that i'm calculative or watsoever shit... but would anybody in the right mind spend so much on somebody? what i'm trying to get across here is that i dun just buy wallets and watches for Tom, Dick & Harry..i only do such stuff for my Toh Jiayi....

Ya...and all those h.i.s.t.o.r.y about Hanxin, Weiting & Regina... i'm a very str-8 forward person...just tell me what you HATE about me.. i'll give you a total new self in a minute.. I haven't thrown away my stuff from h.i.s.t.o.r.y... so, you don't need to... oh ya, i'm not in the right position and i'm not FIT to COMMAND you to do so when i MYSELF have NOT done so..

I've just shedded some skin... it's gone... and my heart's broken... never felt such a sharp pain before... i'm a totally new self now...

It's a beautiful day! Not aimless anymore.. Talked out many plans with Dar... i feel revived~

Taizi's 8 years old today..and he's about 50grams... acceptable weight *keke* Last night i had a meeting, couldn't attend to Taizi.. then when my meeting ended, he already fell asleep...with a pile of shit beside him.. so sad... he slept with a pile of shit.. so i off the lights for him..when i woke up this morning, there's 2 piles of shit...and he's so hungry.. well, he's fine now :)

These few days, Dar has been talking alot about future...and even about marriage and kids.. aiyoh, scary leh.. He likes boy... i prefer a girl.. oh well, too soon to talk about all these...

Had a very good sleep last night.. duno why...slept at about 330am..woke up at about 11am.. slept for about 8 hours.. hm... stayed over at Dar's house over the weekend...he keeps pushing me off the bed...and snatching blanket from me *argh* He likes to cuddle up to me when sleeping, then slowly pushing me to one side of the bed, and then i'll hang at the edge...

I stole a pink shirt from Dar's cupboard... it's 'their' shirt.. She owns one, and he owns one...and now it's mine...HoHoHoHoHoHoHoHoHo~ so evil... donche care...

I'm going WildWildWet tmr..with gilbert and some of his friends...haven't been there before..thot i'll just go and check it out..and get a good tan.. Had a competition last month, and the ugly swim suit tan is on my body..eeEECks...tmr i'll go get a good bikini tan.. WeEeEe~

Dar went CMPB for medical checkup today..think he's going into commando..sigh..

Going out soon.. to Bishan.. to buy some music books...and get some stuff for Dar..

Another aimless day... wonder how long it'll last.. hopefully not too long~

Taizi's 4 years old today..but only 26 grams.. lighter than yesterday..dunno what happened leh.. issit the acceptable weight? hmm... isn't he suppose to put on 10 grams a day? then, he should be 40 grams today... i'll make him eat more later..

Chat with Belinda over the phone today.. nice girl.. only saw her once.. funny thing is that we clique rather well.. cool~

I'm like a lost sheep now...i need a shepherd to guide me..Darlin's as lost as me..i know he's feeling pressurise.. by school, work & biz..and worst of all, ArMy... EeeCkS! i dunno how to help him.. i feel so useless.. sometimes i wonder if i'm the cause of all these happenings.. yesterday when Dar say he wanna beat "xiao ren", i wonder if it's me.. hmm...

Been to a few condomuniums... some look really grand.. then my mind starts to wander.. i wanna be an owner of the pent house.. wonder how long will then my dream be fulfilled...

TODAY IS GONNA BE A BEUTIFUL DAY!

just reached home...went for a stroll at Bishan Park with Darling..talking about the next 5 months ahead, before he goes into army.. He's confused, he's blur, he's fearful, he's anxious.. MIXED feelings...it's killing him...and it's killing me... Dar says wat we need now is L.U.C.K... funny thing is that, i never believed in luck..and now i'm actually pinning everything on L.U.C.K... *funny*

Had a little chat with Gray online..haven't met him for more than a year... well, he's asking me for some advices with a girls he likes.. but already have a boyfriend... hm... not that i encourage 'triangle' love stories.. but i just told him to H.E.C.K....if he really likes the girl....so H.E.C.K even if she already has a boyfriend.. Met Herman on the MRT on the way to dar's house.. he called me, i couldn't recognise him.. he's always so cheerful.. last time when i was still with Sentosa, he's the only one that does not sit on the tower, but instead, he walks around the beach.. ya lah, doing ABIT of patrolling...at the same time..talking to small kids... foreigners... playing with pets...etc... he just can't sit still..and he loves BIKES!... bicycle i mean... motorbikes, i dunno.... he's really good with bicycles...entered lotsa competition...can do stunts etc.. had a good time talking to him, though it's only a short while from YCK to Sembawang...

Taizi's gonna be 4 years old soon..when he wakes up..he's 2 grams underweight... i thought i might overfeed him. Well, shall give him more snacks tmr :) suddenly thought of this...that Dar really loves me.. he actually spent all he have to buy me the thing i like.. so touched, everytime i thought of this.. just now hug Dar, my tears almost rolled down... when i told him that he can't leave me.. not that i'm feeling insecure or wat, just that i can't imagine what it would be like without him.. and that..he's going army soon.. this makes me even more fearful.. aimless.. lost.. scared.. when he's not with me.. no one to take care of me... no one to force me to eat my meals regularly.. no one to scold me..

A.L.O.N.E

I slept at about 4am and i woke up at about 730am... not that i have to wake up, just that i just wake up naturally! Guess it's because of my TAMAGOTCHI! *keke* Darling bought me my tamagotchi!, and it's pink! Yesteday when i met Dar, he passed me a box, saying that it was for me...haha~ er, his wraping wasn't that fantastic *oOpS* neverthless, this rectangular-boxed thingy was arousing my curiousity.. wondering what was inside...haha... Dar told me he wrapped it last night and was fragile, and that i will love it alot.. at first i thought it was tamagotchi, but then..how could a tamagotchi be big, squarish and bulky? hmm... so i tore of the wrapper while Dar went to get me lunch... he wrapped it usingi dunno how many pieces of paper... more than 10? there were so many layers!... then at each layer, when i tore it off, there were words on it... so sweet hor? *hee* then finally when i reach the mystery item, it was an ice-cream box with "I love you" written on it... never did i guessed that my pink tamagotchi was inside! dunno how to describe man..so happy..haha~

Now, i'll tell you about my tamagotchi..i named it "Taizi", a chinese word for "Prince"... Told Dar that if it's a male, we'll call it taizi...if it's a female, we'll call it baby...and it's a male... *bleah* Taizi is 2 years old today, and weighs about 13grams.. it's age increases by 1 each day...mean one day = one year old...wah!!! Taizi eats and shit alot.. think it's still young mah..needs alot of food.. and it's not very disciplined yet.. gotta scold it at times... fell sick once, coz i think i overfed it...haha~ to anxious to wanna see it grow! Then i went chantalle's house to teach piano just now..and she has the same pink tamagotchi as me! just that..her's is a female..named "Cutty"... so Taizi and Cutty made friends via infrarad...and now, they are good friends.. there are actually 6stages in the relationship..first, it's buddy...then friend...good friend..best friend..partner..lover! when it reaches lover, there'll be tamababies! Cutty and Taizi were playing games with each other, then exchanging gifts... Taizi gave Cutty 3 flowers, and Cutty gave Taizi 2 pieces of cakes *keke* But i guess, i won't wanna have tamababies with Cutty, coz i'm waiting for Dar to buy one...then I'll have tamababies with Dar! haha~ but he like dunno how to take care leh..dunno if it's a wise idea if he gets a tamagotchi...hmm... ok...enough of this...

and yesterday i was at Dar's house playing Monopoly...Oh gee.. think we're like...haha..mad...played 3 rounds...with his brother...till 1am...while watching tv..haha... so happy, coz... i have Taizi!!! YiPeEee~

's a rainy night tonight..so cold..darling not beside me tonight.. spent 3 days, 2 nights over at his place.. it's been quite long since i've stayed over..actually not long lah.. about 2 weeks? *keke*

It's been a w.e.i.r.d weekend.. dunno how to describe.. so many things happened... Dar's grandma not feeling very well.. and i'm down with severe flu.. something's wrong with me... had toothache a few weeks ago, then better le...then down with food poisoning, den gastric...then now flu! *faintz* wonder wat's next.. this time, the flu was like..since wed night..after a karaoke session.. and i'm down with this stupid flu for 4 days.. feel feverish.. sorethroat.. cough..flu.. wah, can die man.. and ya, exactly wat i said..i hibernated for 4 days.. stayed at home on thurs and fri.... and sat and sun, stayed at dar's place.. and he's also down with flu!!! not passed to him by me..it's his brother... also down with flu and fever.... okie... enough of sickly stuff....

wEEeeE~ went to see firewoks today! fantastic man! haven't seen them for ages..and i finally get to see them today! Went with a few friends, and of course with dar... ya, and my friend Jimmy came along.. it's been an interesting evening...talking to him.. i learnt alot from him..really.. he's from China..and we were chit chatting about so many things.. i believe i've known him better this evening.. Back to the 'woks'... so many variations.. and designs.. i saw hearts..smiley face..hibicus..and my friend claimed that she saw orchird! Hmmm... wah...and i especially liked the 'green shower'... it goes "BOOM!", then suddenly, it seems like a few thousand green stars are falling on me.. it's seem damn bloody near loh! Jean and I screeching away...haha~

And again...went beach road to eat dinner.. wah piang...can faint man! we are like some monsters that had been starved for years man.. haha.. i ate kway chap with Belinda and Dar...it's damn nice and cheap loH! then the table behind me ordered chilli sotong, la-la, fish... and the table infront ordered claypot rice...then the table nearby ordered stingray, mee goreng, and fruits! wah.. all of us were charging from table to table, with all our weapons..i mean, utensils.... tasting all the food we ordered... it's scary.. i mean, at the way we eat.. ahhaa~ it's always so fun to eat with them.. i LOVE it... if only there were durians...then it would be perfect!!!

and... I WANT A TAMAGOTCHI!! A PINK ONE! though it only costs $29.90, i dun really wish to buy it myself.. it would be rather meaningful if someone bought it for me.. i saw one at 7-eleven.. a PINK one.. gee... i really want it....so ... anyone who's reading this and wish to get one for me, please lemme know..leave a msg at my chatbox... wei, i'm not joking k!

bbBRrrRrrrrR~ I'm CoLD.........