~*/ m | c h 3 L L 3 \*~

haven't blogged for ages... dun feel like blogging all of the sudden.. so many events had happened, duno where to start...

i'm going to move outta my house.. i just cannot stay in the environment anymore.. it sucks happiness away from me.. not that i dun love my family, just that..i need to be away... i dunno if mummy can understand.. but i'm gonna bring it up to here very soon.. that i'm gonna leave home.. and when i'm ready, i'll be home again.. ready meaning.. i've acheived wat i want.. dunno where to shift to.. darling ask me to shift to his house.. i feel like it.. but i have to ponder.. i've looked into classifed ads, and they have rooms over at sembawang..thot i'll live nearer to darling, so he can send me home easily.. rental's from $200 to $350.. depending on whether i use aircon or not.. if i shift over to dar's place.. wat if we quarrel? or...... i dunno.. ultimately, i'm still living at someone's house.. dun really have the total freedom.. wat should i do? anyhow, i'll come out with the decision at the end of the month..

Jimmy should be in China now.. wonder how's he.. together with his family.. i suppose he has alot of things to tell them.. he haven't been back home for almost a year! it'll be a good time for them to fellowship with one another.. recieved an email from him yesterday.. telling us he's fine... well, i'm happy for him.. really looking forward to the good news that he'll bring..

I'm really very astonished by the step he's taken.. forgo 2 modules' exam and go back to china coz of biz.. it's really because of him that gives me the drive to do what i should be doing.. and with the latest promotion... i dun really have anymore excuse to succeed... i'm really determined.. but the only thing that's holding me back is the environment i'm staying in.. i gotta move.. i really have to.. well, i'll just strive hard this 3 months...and everything will be over.. or rather, a start or another journey!

failed driving again... perhaps i'm just not cut out to drive.. however, i'll just go on.. i'll just make it one day..

suddenly felt so lifeless... haven't been to movies for months, no shopping, no entertainment.. my life's just dwelling around money.. sometime i wonder if this is life's true meaning.. i only ponder and feel emotional over 2 issues...that's money and relationship.. money is still very important to me, however relationship ... be it family, friends, bgr etc.. i can't seem to feel anymore.. money seems to be riding on top of it.. isn't it just so fake? so artificial? i told myself.. i can do without relationship.. how true is that, i dunno...

also, i begin to feel the drift between darling and i... no longer like before.. perhaps i'm just being too sensitive... i feel that we're with each other because we need each other's company.. if not because of work, i doubt we'll still be hanging onto each other.. am i thinking too much? i do admit that i'm reliant on him.. think i'll be so lost without him.. dunno.. we're both very different in thinking.. and even the ways we do things.. sometimes our ideas clashes.. mood swings plays many roles in our relationship.. despite all the differences, of coz... there are similarities as well.. our interest...etc.....

i'm beginning to feel that i'm going into depression.. someone save me..