~*/ m | c h 3 L L 3 \*~

I'm devastated.. i give up.. i dunno what's wrong with me.. was chatting with mummy just now, and she told me that about the problems she faced at work.. and that both our str-8 forward character pissed people off.. HeCk~

He just doesn't know how much i cared about him...doesn't know how much i loved him.. or perhaps, he knows.. he doesn't believe.. I'm using past tense here.. coz it's all history.. he's always saying that i never thought of his feelings.. oh well, I'm dumb.. stupid.. idiot.. slut.. bitch.. I spent the whole day doing something for him.. never done anything like that before.. efforts' gone to waste now.. i'll just throw it away..

He needs someone better... he can look for her.. perhaps if they were together, all these wouldn't happened.. she's perhaps more sensitive to his feelings? able to take care of him.. i'm really tired this time.. exhausted.. i dun have strength to carry on anymore.. i give up.. this time, i'll go away..

I'm gonna h.i.b.e.r.n.a.t.e..

*bUrRrP* at Darling's house now...just came back not too long ago from Geylang... Dar's family brought us to Geylang to have durians! wah....eat till stomach almost burst man! 24th July was Dar's younger bro's birthday... Jiarui.. he's 15 this year.. very matured guy though :) Anyway, Dar and I got him an Adidas watch.. was wondering wat's with the birthdays this year...always give watch *keke* Well, he seems to like it alot (He better do!) He recieved lotsa pressies from his friends as well..mostly from girls...billabong wallet! Very cool wallet given by a girl...must be like him lah...

Dar's bathing now.. took a long time for him to get to the bathroom to take a shower...he doesn't like to bathe at night leh..weird... too bad, i'm staying over.. he has to bathe, if not he's not allowed to sleep beside me *bleah*

Stomach's abit painful now leh.. eat too full le...and abit sleepy.... zZZzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZzz

Dear God it's me again,
Alone and so afraid
I know it's late
But there are many questions with no answers

People say You've gone
Left me on my own
In a world that's broken and so full of sins & sadness
I used to think You'd always be here
I used to say You'd come for us some day
But it's been so long since You've been gone
There's NOTHING I can hold on

Are you there Lord, do You care
Can You answer my prayer
Abba Father can You hear me
Tell me how to believe
'Coz why does it seem
That it's just an empty dream
And I need to know if You're still here...
For me

I look ahead and see
A future that's so grim
Like a road that just goes on and doesn't have an ending
People everywhere
Are cynical and scared
Not knowing what to do
And who to trust in this confusion
I'm only looking for a sign
I'm only searching for an answer
But it's been so long since You've been gone
There's NOTHING I can hold on

Lord are You just an illusion
Sometimes I'm lost in this confusion

I really need you Lord
I really need you Father
Hear my cry... see my pain
Hear my prayer... once again
I really need You now...

I REALLY NEED YOU NOW!

oooOOH! this is interesting! Blogger has change its interface? *keke* can change font, font size, colour..can even add pic! *keke* that's interesting!

It's a rainy day again today, just finished a pack of maggi mee..i've stock up 10 packets of maggi mee..for my lunche everyday.. no other particular reasons, just that i'm lazy to get outta the house to buy lunch, and the only thing i can cook in maggi mee! Been down with what i intially thought was "food-poisoning", turned out to be gastric flu! *argh* vomit watever that goes into my stomach.. i've been either eating too much, or not eat at all..this irregular eating diet has been with me for years.. i must really do something about it...

GOLD! my girl's team won gold again this year! yeah... this is my 3rd gold medal.. and i dunno, just felt that it's like different from the past.. coz i did it with my favourite girls' team! Stef, Lynn & Charmain! *keke* The guys however, did not win anything..but they definately did much much better than before! with the new commitee~

Yesterday afternoon, he msn me.. he's nickname was "damn pissed and disappointed"...not sure if it was directed at me..coz shortly after i was online, he msged me "someone got bf liao hor? sitll pretend" ...i mean, i wasn't even pretending in the first place..hello?! i did not tell him i have a bf, that doesn't mean i dun have one right? Besides, he didn't even asked.. watever.. it's all over anyway..

It's a rainy day..again~ well, reached home at about 330am this morning, fell asleep at about 4am.. *yawn*, can't imagine i wake up so early today...1045am.. only slept for 6 hours plus, think i'll go take a nap agian later.. Darling never sleep, he says he can't sleep... and he had diarrhoea *oops*

Last evening, we went JB to celebrate his birthday... go there and eat....and eat...and eat... *keke* Dar didn't drive in, coz he say the cars there very fierce..so we took a bus in.. It's very near actually, Dar lives in Sembawang.. then a few stops only..less than an hour! I feel so secure with him in a 'foreign' country.. he's like, a walking map.. knowing where to go... and introducing the building, the culture, the ..everything... learnt alot from Dar :)

Actually wanted to bring Dar to Ponderosa or Steamboat... then i wanted to ask the waiter to put the watch i bought on a plate, and cover it with a cover...ask the waiter to deliver it to him...keke.. but anyhow, i gave Dar the watch at his house..on the sofa.. before midnight.. if not, the birthday over le... Hope he likes it.. Then...we went orchird country club to play pool.. till 3am.. haha~ very eggiciting.. 2nd time playing with Dar..

And... i didn't go for training again today! aiyah.. important event mah.. Sunday's the competition and we never train! *shit* Think gotta meet up with the team this Sat to train already..If not, our record will be broken by other teams! and i want my gold medal again this year!

Nuradee Bros Pte Ltd called me, ask me to teach piano for them..it's a newly estalished music school that does vocal courses, guitar, singing, piano, album production, etc... this music school is actually runned by few Malays..and they are actually award winning team...having albums in Singapore, and other countries...won countless awards...and they do songs for Suria Channel! *keke* they're artistes...well, i dunno..coz i'm not at all in touch with the malay music industry...but they do sound very popular...haha.. well, dunno if i wanna teach there leh.. hmm.. will consider with my Dar..

I'm beginning to feel..everything's getting on track.. i'm on my way to my dreams! P.E.R.S.E.R.V.E.R.E~

It's Darling's birthday today! It's weird..ya, but i'm at his house now..came to his house in the morning to give him a surprise (though he doesn't seemed surprised at all) *gee* Wanted to stay over last night, but i can't..Mum's nagging at me already..*sobz* so poor Dar had to spend the cold cold night alone.. i will try to make it up to him..i'll try..

Duno wat's on his mind last night, he doesn't wanna spell it out..it's killing me.. i'm curious.. perhaps, he was upset that i wasn't there to spend the night with him..like how SHE used to do it.. I know when Dar is sad.. or whenever i make him unhappy, he will think of her.. He's still reading her blog, wanting to know more of her.. usually i can't tolerate this kinda thing..but this time.. i just tell myself, since i can't make him happy. let him do wat he wants..be it talk to her, msg her, read her blog, go out with her.....................................Let him be...

Never felt so useless in my life.. that my own bf still think of other girls when in a relationship with me.. i mean, *sigh* nobody will understand how a girl feels... how i feel....

I'm putting on a mask..i'm not real..i'm artificial..i'm f.a.k.e

I feel so exhausted..i dunno why.. the weather's so cold today.. can't feel the warmth of the sun.. i'm gloomy.. i'm down.. K.O

The weather looks gloomy today.. dampens my mood a little.. Fanny had her practical exam today, and she came outta the exam room crying.. She's took stressed up.. Mummy stressed her too much..actually, she really tried her best, i heard her practising the piano early in the morning.. Well, she's grade 5 this year..i mean, for a 12 year old girl, it's really very good already..she'll be taking grade 8 in Sec3, that's a very out-standing result!

I can totally understand how she feels.. My mummy used to stress me alot when i was young.. took up so many classes; ballet, art, abacus, swimming, piano, drums etc...too many.. ultimately, i only stick to piano and swimming.. Thank God, i've completed my grade 8 two years back.. she nags at me everyday just to practise the piano, and when i failed my grade 6 and 7, my ears never had peace at all.. Mummy's just trying to push us to our limits, to perform our best..but mummy never know that all me and fanny wanted was just kind words of encouragement..that's all..

Well, if Fanny really fails her grade 5, guess i'll teach her instead..

Went to Lynn's 21st bday on Sat.. Dar supposed to go with me, but i just couldn't wake him up *argh* Anyhow, i got to watch my Harry Porter.. then stayed over at Dar's place..

I'm going for lifeguard training tonight! weeEeE~ get to swim again, after so long.. and most importantly, getting to meet all my friends again!

It's just another day.. i'm going cycling at east coast in 6 hour's time.. time to get moving man..i'm lazy! super Lazy... gee~ how? any remedies?

"Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must DO!" -Goethe

I know wat i'm supposd to do... i am willing to do..just that my body parts just doesn't seem to coordinate the way i want it to be..

It's Lynn's 21st tmr.. it's gonna be a fun-filled day tmr..with so many activities... cycling in the morning..till afternoon..then go home, wash up...go party! then.. go watch Harry Porter with Dar..midnight show i guess..then stay over at his place..

Still thinking whether to stay over though.. i dunno..suppose to let him be.. for the month of July, for him to concentrate on what he's supposed to do.. so hesitant *shit* wanna leave him alone, yet half of my being longs to be with him.. It somehow feels like a norm, to stay over at his house on weekends.. in fact, i'm not used to my own bed anymore..haha~

Jean has been really very sweet..and i really love her... She's like my 'Rich mom'..haha~ nice analogy..

Dar's bday in 11 day's time...dunno wat to get for him...neh neh.. i'm cracking my head..

I'm gonna meet alot of pple at Lynn's party tmr.. gee.. GIlbert, Jesslin, Shao Mei, Sheryl..and goodness knows who else! and next week's Jason's 21st..wah! even more pple to meet up.. those whom i haven't spoken with for months! michael, kevin, Stef, Charmain, Jason, Wen Han, Alvin..and so many more..

I'm going back for lifeguard traning the whole of next week..and the week after...coz competition's in 2 week's time! Haven't been in water for months!

I'm looking forward to meeting up with everyone again!...and my wisdom tooth! should i go for the surgery? i hate needles....

Sometimes i see a dream ahead
A dream I cannot hold
I dream of watching birds go by
Of flowers in the sky
But all that i can ever see
Are pictures in my mind
Surrounded by the misery
I wish that i could live behind

Somewhere inside my lonely heart
I see those pictures there
Of fields and forests, hills and vales
Where i can just run free
I'm waiting, watching, hoping
Looking for a sign
But all the I can see ahead
Are only pictures in my mind

Some day, somehow i hope we'll find
A place to call our own
Where we can watch the clouds roll by
In rainbow-coloured skies
I have a dream, a secret dream
Of a place that's ours alone
A land where we can wander free
A home a place for you and me

Just hold on to the dreams inside you
Trust in what the Lord can do
And some day soon you'll find
Those pictures in your mind
Will finally come true for you

Went Suntec to walk walk yesterday..interesting day..hmm... went Sembawang Dental to loan my tooth's X-ray from them..then went to redeem the Eng Wah points for 2 tickets...gonna watch Harry Porter on Saturday! Yipee! after so LoOoOoooOnG~

So irritating...Went back to Dar's place..and he left me there...he slept on the sofa from 8pm to 10pm..Bish.. fed him with logans that mummy bought, and he can chew with his eyes closed..piggy~ then i just sit there play computer and watch tv *hmph*

Today dar's mummy so funny..keep nagging and beating Dar.. asking him to treasure me *keke* it's hilarious..i mean.. i dunno how to explain.. then she called me..telling me to 'report' to her if Dar ever bullies me..wahhaha~ Dar's mummy really very nice.. very 'xian qi liang mu'..

And i'm supposed to annouce here that Dar' has ultra sensitive nipples *bleah*

*oOPs* anyway, i managed at last to post photo onto the blog.. i'm really bad at IT stuff man.. it's so cheem..it's alienated language makes me goggy..

Tried on my blades..and i 4got how to blade totally! *shit*

Yuling's asking me out to Zouk on thurs.. but my tooth cannot make it leh..later i go zouk with swollen face..like bear lydat..eecks.. i'll try though..