~*/ m | c h 3 L L 3 \*~

iT's bEen a dRy & wEt Day....dRY in thE daY, wEt at niGht....rAininG cAts & doGs! i went over to the other side of my neighbourhood to teach piano and while waiting at the traffic to turn green, this KUKU car drove right past me and ya..guessed it...saw a swirl of H2O coming in my direction and ya...my lower half of body is drenched! Inconsiderate driver...can't he drive slower on a rainy day? *argh*

Finished Business Planning Exam today...tmr's Family Business Management.. BP was....ok, just that i didn't study enough..missed out quite a few points...*heck* Was in the lift with my dad when he poped this question: wat am i gonna do after graduation? so i just say, i'm gonna teach piano..and swimming.....then he replied "So, wat's the Diploma in Business Studies for?.....hMMmm....ya, wat's it for? I'm just getting a piece of paper for the sake of getting it...weLL, that's the noRm liFe of a typical kiD in SingapoRe ain't it?!

officially 6 more days and i'll be out of the schooL! unless i repeat any modules lah...er...hope not... well, honestly..it doesn't really matter to me anymore..

bEen thinkiNG of DaR'..evEry hoUr, miN, seC...yA, miSsEd hiM quiTe a biT... anD thoT of otHers stuFf as weLL...thiNK it's the "tiMe-oF-thE-monTh..peRHapS?! beEn feeLinG so uncertain about the both of us.. there's so many side of him, i dunno which is which..dunno how to react to his different personality... he's Loving, Domineering, Sweet, Firm, Caring, Fierce etc.... i personally still stand firm in believing that a couple can't be working together... there's too many behaviour to adapt to, to react to different situations, the blurred boundaries between upline and dar'... perhaps that's why we're always blowing hot and cold towards each other... hELo? it's only the 1st month...come to think of it, i really dunno how we can strive on.. Ya, i'm too demanding... i really need someone to dote on me...100%... and i totally agree and understand that giving too much, or rather..."over-giving" is very draining for the other party, and i dunno..sometimes i feel like i give too much and not getting returns...oh, and talking about returns... love ain't suppose to get any return right? Bullshit...Pardon me... who does not expect return in a relationship? please post your view on the tag board on the right...if you DUN expect any return in relationship... i guess no one? Ha~ just a moment of thought...i thought of Hamtaro...He always says he does not expect any feelings returned...well....

I'm so tired....physically tired, mentally tired, spiritually tired, physchologically tired...etc..

T.I.R.E.D

Giving to me is when i'm having exams and my friends give me morning calls.

Giving to me is when my Dad comes into my room to have a see what I am doing.

Giving to me is my Fanny who give me 9 chocolates and leaves 1 for herself.

Giving to me is when Shannies offers to buy lunch/dinner back for me.

Giving to me is when Darling presses the "open" button while i enter the lift.

Giving to me is when I treat my friends for lunch, and they treat me back the next time.

Giving to me is when other people's food looks so much better than mine, and they offer me a bite.

Giving to me is offering food anyway. *grinz*

Giving to me is when i go to a Darling's place and drink the ribena he made.

Giving to me is when associates take time to encourage me and say a kind word.

Giving to me is mummy forgiving me for all the stupid things i've done.

Giving to me is Grandfather trusting me.

Giving to me is when Darling feeds me with medicine when I'm ill.

Giving to me is family and friends not letting go even when i crumbled.

Giving to me is when the television seems kilometers away and my sister switched it on for me.

Giving to me is feeling Darling's arms around me whenever no one's around.

Giving to me is Alvin's bear hug before competitions.

Giving to me is when my friends are there when my world seemed so dark.

Giving to me is when Darling offers to pick me up, and fetch me around.

Giving to me is Darling driving me even when i don't ask.

Giving to me is the time friends spends saying nothing at all, yet being there, which achieves so much more.

Giving to me is when Germin scold and nag at me when she sees that i'm wrong.

Giving to me is God's gift for all the talents and abilities i have.

Giving to me is when Darling calls me every time he misses me.

Giving to me is talking to Mummy about anything under the sun.

Giving to me is when Darling's mummy accepts me.

Giving to me is when Shannie finds out that i took her biscuit and said nothing.

Giving to me is when Ernest clears the trash when it's my duty.

Giving to me is Ernest covering up for me when i do something naughty.

Giving to me is Mummy's golden advices daily.

Giving to me is Darling being there for me always.

These are some of the things i remember that people have given in my life. It is not so much the gifts but the giver.I remembered the smiles and the hugs, their hearts and their prayers.

Gifts are always good but what i remembered most are the people behind the gifts, not the gifts itself.

*yawn* just woke up...no more school! yipeEE! but..getting ready for final examinations....well, i do feel a bit of pressure...afraid that i can't do well...so, i'm gonna study for the last 4 papers i have..not gonna wait till last min this time *keke*

Daddy went out before i could borrow the vehicle from him *uh oh* supposed to go and get all the stocks today...gotta wait till another day then..

Darling has been really sweet....he knew i wasn't happy with him he night before...brought me out for breakfast...walk around the market looking at fishes...cutting his hair...and bringing me for a walk at esplanade....he's really very sweet and thoughtful, always concern about how i'm feeling and wants me to be happy always.. i feel that i'm really very bad to him.. coz he' really to good for me...i'm afraid my temper, character, personality will chase him away someday...he's part of my life now..But darling always keeps things to himself...and that's one thing i really can't tolerate...i dunno, but i just feel frustrate everytime he keeps things from me...like he can only share his happiness with me and not his problems etc...it's not being mutual at all.. this will keep me form opening up to him in future... if he's not open to share everything with me, how am i suppose to open up my heart to him? ya.. to each individual, they might wanna keep their own privacy...well, i'm a very practical person...if you open up 100% to me, i'll do the same....

I somehow feel that See Kay Soh is very lonely here in Singapore, as his wife and 2 children are in New Zealand..he very much wanna go over and join them...i can feel his desire...but he is tied down by work....It's the first time i ever felt so strongly of wanting to help a person gain his financial freedom..he is tied down by work in school...and he's already catching up on his age...and does not have his family with him...he's slogging away in Singapore, and family enjoying over at the other side....does his family ever appreciate him at all? do they take him for granted?

All in all.... " Never frown even when you're feeling down, because you'll never know who's in love with your smile! "

It's a very very hot afternoon! and i just got home..went to meet darling at sembawang mrt station...then took a free shuttle bus to sembawang shopping centre just to buy a 90cents battery water for his car...and we took the wrong shuttle bus back.......lala...lele....lolo....we spent almost 2 hours touring yishun/sembawang *bleah*

Darling has been very sweet...came my house with breakfast...when i open my eyes, the first person i see is him *wink* haven't ate breakfast in ages...and i had bacon, egg, fries, bee hoon..e.t.c......weeEee~

Time with Dar' just passes by like.....like....aeroplane? er...wat's faster than aeroplane? ahha~ it's scary...been together for about 19 days...since 29th March 2004....and he's really been very nice...the nicest Dar' ever...It's really scary coz, if he's gonna leave me...i dunno wat i can do...i'm like so dependant on him now...Make me seem like some 'xiao nu ren' hor? *keke*

oh....and 19 days to graduation! and i'll be outta NP...into the world out there...probably can't get into SMU...i feel....think i'll apply for SIM when my results are out

It's a lie that i said i dun mind....that i'm not unhappy...about the fact that i feel like a mistress *haha* sounds funny hor? there are so many factors to consider..but dunno why leh, everytime when this matter arises, i feel really agitated and uneasy about it..and my mood just changes like...a burst of bubble..can't be helped..really...i also have no idea what to do abt it...so, anything that DaR' decides, i just listen and follow loh, though i may throw tantrums lah...

i feel my project mates are starting to have this 'barrier' between me and themselves...they feel that i haven't been contributing much to the group, that i always have music lessons in the evening...perhaps, they may think that it's excuses for leaving early...but it's not...i do really have lessons in the evening...i feel, each and everyone's priority in life is different, and mine is to earn money...their's is perhaps to get the best grades ever...i feel, i've done wat i can, all the work that is allocated to me...just that, i'm not WITH the group whenever, and wherever they are....is my presence there really important where i can produce the work i'm suppose to do on time? they really should consider from my point of view...ya, they may be rich...come from rich family....get all the money they wan...but i gotta work to get the money alrite....ArGh~ but then again, i admit that i'm at fault too lah... perhaps they feel that i should be part of the team, and not act alone..

i'm still very skeptical about my relationship with Dar'...dunno how long it'll last, coz i'm really a difficult gal to handle...emotionally......hope he has the patience to keep up with me...

Never say "I love you" if you don't really care.
Never talk about feelings if they aren't really there.
Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.
Never look in the eye when all you do is lie.
The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...

i still don't feel very confortable the way this relationship is heading towards... i feel so uneasy infront of others, but i feel so confortable when i'm with him alone....Jasmine says that the 'right' person for you, is that when you're with him, you'll feel really confortable..and just lying in his arms, will cause you to sleep...and feel at ease....and i can say that only ultraman gives me this kinda feelings...weird, but true..

However, i'm really very skeptical about this relationship...i dunno, very insecure...oh, and i'm getting married when i'm 25 years old....5 more years leh..so fast...and i mean it leh...that means i must find really hard for that person....now.....well, he'll still be in army...too bad....

School's hell for me...tons of projects to clear...and all so messed up....i dunno, kinda give up already...too tedious...too much work load for me to handle..now waiting for SMU's reply...really hope i can get in wor....

Jealousy Kills...

i never felt so angry before...not for a long time till yesterday...i spotted him reading HER blog ..does he ever think how i would feel? ..reading HER blog...wanting to know how she's doing....wat she's thinking...ya, and she's missing him like crazy...and i'm suppose to pretend nothing happened.. oh man, i just can't do it..she's on his mind every now and then...he's still very much concern over her...the feelings is still there..i know....how am i suppose to "replace" her position...anyhow, they've been together for about 2 years? wateva..i'm used to it...dunno wat guys treat me as....substitute? companion? or just a playmate? it's reality..michelle, face it!

2 of them still liking each other, can't forget each other...still live in each others' memory...then i think, it's really unfair for me...i shall just get on with life, and pretend nothing has happened....I've given up on finding my 'perfect' one, coz there'll never be one....

I've applied for SMU already...think they'll reply me by May...well, ultimately...i would still like to get a degree...but if not, i can just teach piano..Right now, i just wanna finish my studies...30 more days and i'm graduating outta Ngee Ann Poly, into the world out there...the cruel world, reality....