~*/ m | c h 3 L L 3 \*~

finally...it's a sunNy day! been raining cats and dogs for the past 2 days..

Thot i was supposed to go to sch, then i woke up late...and luckily i woke up late. COz, we dun need to go sch at all today!...it's E-learning week...stay at home, go online, do tutorial...Done! so shiok right? *keke* haven't been to school for 3 weeks already...Oh, did i mention why i woke up late? i was supposed to wake ultraman up at 2am, to study for test. I called...till 230am!!!! and finally he picked up the phone....and went back to sleep...Neh Neh~ waste my effort...i set my hp to auto-redial....then i hold my hp..till i fall asleep!

Something wrong with my HP leh, whenever i'm in 'xiao hong', there's no reception. By the way, 'xiao hong' is ultraman's car..haha~ anyway, Nokia's coming with a clam shell phone...and i'm gonna get it...*wiNk*

Hamtaro informed me of his new number...and i told him that i've replied his email...i dunno what he's thinking, but he asked me about ultraman..i can't say much, coz the fact is...there's nothing much to say! but right now, i'm very happy...as in, i never felt happier for the past 3 weeks...i dunno it'll last till when, but just lemme enjoy the moments...

So hungry...again~

It's raining again..past 2 days' been ..i dunno, i'm speechless. It's too 'fast' for me to handle.

Test on Sat was so.....easy? haHa~ dunno leh, but it's like, i was 15mins late, and i took 40 mins to do the paper, and left the exam hall earlier than anyone..Well, shall wait for the results to be out and see how lah huh! TheN weNt to teaCH piano all the way till 730pm, no choice..my students are going for theory exam on 13th March, so i gotta revise with them. My first batch of students going for exam leh, so nervous!

YePz, then weNt JunCtioN 8 to meet him...CoZ.....he's been after me the whole day...as in, showing his jealousy, anger, possesiveness etc....i dun understand why is he doing all these, since we're no longer together. So, i meet him for dinner at J8 and talk things out. I told him, i'm happy with where i am now. In fact, i feel happier. I no longer feel trapped, having no freedom when i'm with him. I realised that there are many thing around me, for me to do, to enjoy, to discover etc....i dunno if i've hurt him with my words...but, ya....everything has to have an ending, be it a happy one...or.......

Despite all i've said, he still calls....*siGh* Well, went for a financial intelligence seminar yesterday. We gotta play this game, where the objective is to get outta a "rat race". there are about 7 tables playing this game, 6 players per table and i was the 4th to come outta the race! Well, there's nothing to be proud about actually...i thought the game was just like any other monopoly game, just that the concept is a little different. How can a game and real life situation be compared? i learnt a few things about myself...abt my impulsiveness in buying things...but hey!...greater risk, greater gain k! haha~ perhaps i gotta play the game a few more times to grasp the concept of it...

The relationship between ultraman and i is growing more complicated day by day..i guess right now, we do have a little feeling for each other, but both is fearful of commiting to each other..he feels i'm too flirtatious, and he doesn't have time for me etc...and i feel that he still can't forget his ex-gf of 2 years! that's one thing i can't tolerate...he still keep his photos in his hp k!...recent photos somemore...dated 14th Feb...valentines..3 weeks ago only...i mean, 3 weeks ago they're still so close and now.......we're giving each other 1 week to think thru...and well, see how it goes! Perhaps we should just stay where we are now

Haven't been answering Hamtaro's call...dunno how he feels, but i feel he's been very unsympathetic with the situation i'm in now..i just broke up with him, and hamtaro's back to action again...calling me dear...ending his sms to me with "muack"...i mean, i really dun like it! *sheesh*

No sCh toDay...and tmR...weird...since like i haven't been schooling for ages...Nah, i definately dun miss school...haha~ oh! my friend suddenly msged me yesterday...haha~ haven't spoke to him in ages man. He msged "hi, do you still remember me?"...actually i forgot, then i msged back...and he told me who he was..haha~ he's in army now...at sispec, PTI hor..dun play play...he's fit lah, not surprised...

And....I'm hungry~

hE camE mY hoUSe yesterday, to CoLLeCt a bOOk fRom mE. SO wEirD, so HappY to SeE Him..wE weRe chaTtinG foR awhile when Ultraman msged me..he took my phone, and saw his msg, and was angry.

i went to BUONA VISTA to sign the attendance for him, then proceed to the headquaters..had an informative seminar.. he msged, he called...he's jealous, i know he is. He is jealous that i'm with ultraman, he called and voiced his anger and jealousy..i think ultraman must be frustrated when i was quarreling with him over the phone, till ultraman drove me to his house. *faintz* I really felt like crying..i'm in total confusion!!! I told him to drive me home immediately...well, think he could tell that i'm upset, we stood at the carpark and chat for awhile. By the way, i lost my HP pouch..again! Nah, it's better than losing a handphone!

Reached home, he called...and we had a tiff again...BUT, i dunno...everything turned out very nicely after that...we chit chat for quite along while...settled this problem..and, he gave me a kiss before we hung up. I dunno if we should continue being like this, because...we're just friends, and i'm afraid that we're leading each other on, giving each other hope. I dunno why i can't e hard-hearted as to stop answering his calls, stop replying his msgs....but then again, i dun think i'll do this to anyone lah...SeE hoW loH, he says he's gonna tell me one 14th..tell me wat? i dunno..just wait and see loh...9 more days...hmm...

Oh, i turned down a date today..i mean, not exactly a date lah..but i thought i should stay at home to at least flip open my file, and read 'abit' of my lecture notes...i have a test tmr!!! dunno wat will WM think...it's definately not an excuse, that i say i wanna stay at home and study..i really wanna study, but i just can't get to work leh...*sigh*

Tmr's pastor's bday, suppose to go TC today, for 144 meeting, then celebrate for her..but i was 'supposed' to go to ultraman's office today...and i know i'll feel awkward if i go...Chat with 'Ting over the icq for awhile yesterday, and ya..haha~ weird, but we feel weird now...as in...PTTP...is no longer together...friends for dunno how many years..but...why ah? i dun understand... friends come together for a common interest...so does it mean that if there's no common interest/goal, it's difficult to be friends anymore? I'm quite affected by it..coz friends are really important to me..

*ShRuGs*

i'm so depressed....so depressed.....so helpless...he called, and he raised his voice at me, just like the past..i dun understand why...we're like, just friends...is he jealous coz i'm with ultraman? why?.. i was in a all happy mood, till he calls...it always happens...i should not have picked up his call...should not reply to his messages..et.c....

Can't i do my own things? i mean...i should have my own freedom..even dogs can go out for a walk, wat about me? so embarrassing, i dunno how ultraman felt...he drove me to his place, as me to settle the problem there and then...gOsh, i'm so afraid, they may just fight..

I dunno wat he wants, and why is he reacting this way... and i'm so bothered about wat ultraman might be thinking.. i dunno..i'm so depressed....i just wanna cry my night away... no one understand me, no one's there to be with me...to comfort me....i'm just a burden.. a task...or watever.

Rain...rain...rain...just back from lunch with Ultraman, and a little drenched, i rather be drenched than to stay where i am now...the house's so dark...so cold...so lonely..

Ultraman did bring me out for supper yesterday. Well, did feel happier yesterday, dunno why. I feel like i'm a little kid, and whoever brings me out, i'll feel like i'm the happiest little thing on earth at that moment *wiNk* wasn't home till 6am, and dad was already reading papers in the hall...said nothing fortunately *phew* Wah, a mindful of mixed feelings...wat's with all those physical intimacy? "HELLO?" ...are we just 2 grown ups, knowing wat we're doing, or just 2 persons, needing each other's company? *sheeSH* anyhow, i admit that i feel really comfortable, soothing, happy..etc...when i'm with him...*siGh*

Common test on Sat, and i've yet to even flip open my file of lecture notes...7 topics tested, oh goSh...anD i gotta go BUONA VISTA....to sign attendance (NCAP) for him..i promiSed, and i have to keep my work..that's my principle. Well, only till 18th March 2004...and till then, it marks a stop, a big round, fat full stop to everything. I wanna get over him fast, but everyone around me is talking to me about it..how to forget? *faintz* Well, wish me speedy recovery..i'm on my way to a new journeY...

Wanted to start blogging way back last year, but just can't get my lazy fingers moving.. Well, glad i started it anyway. It's weird, "talking" to the world out there, who would be reading this..

Been a bad week, it's the 3rd of March, supposed to be our 7th month together, but things did not turned out the way it should be. Yes, it ended. This is probably the most unsettled break-off i ever experienced...oh yes, with such an indecisive boyfriend.. i proposed the break-up, and i dunno if i've regretted my choice. it's been a month since we're apart, and ya, i've been missing him, but i guess i don't want to miss him anymore, dun wanna love him anymore. I want to HATE him...I really gave my all in this relationship and i dun even noe if wat i've done is appreciated.. I must get over him...i want to be my cheerful self, my bubbly nature...Yes, i'm on my way to start afresh....a brand new journey!

And Ultraman says he's meeting me for supper, till now i've yet to hear from him. *sigh* He's been very sweet, but i just can't recipocrate to his feelings.. So weird...it's all about timing..I can't comment much on this, coz i think...he thinks i'm treating him as a subsitute..but i'm not...i dun treat pple like that...i'm not un-sympathetic.. I dunno, everyone seems to have a really bad impression of me...that i seemed like a flirtatious, bitchy, slutty girl...whatever... Heck~ I just wanna be loved...

Xtract is just as sweet, but he's 8 months younger than me. Ok, i'm sorry, perhaps it's just an excuse i used to reject him..i mean, you know..this kinda stuff, it really needs chemistry.. He's really nice, 24 hours there for me..can't find another as attentive as him.. but i'm really not for him.. HahA.. he's so sweet, to the extend of introducing his little cousin as a student for my piano teaching..haha~ can't stop grinning when i thot of this.. well... he's nice, nice & nice..

Hamtaro..*sheesh*, i take my hat off him.. i only can think of a character that associates him with "it"...anyone played "SIM-GAL"? the guy has to find all means and ways to win her heart in 100 days? haha~ he's like "that character".. i really appreciate all that he's done, but i only can treat him as a friend...just a friend.. to the extend, i feel like avoiding him..coz i scared i'll lead him on, to think that i'll give him a chance etc.....

School's a headache...2 common tests this week, and i'm taking it so lightly. Oh man, wat's wrong...God gave me brains, but i never fully utilise it.. Tons & tons of projects are piling up...WoAh~ oh..i'm going on a KL trip (25th - 27th March 2004)..staying in a hotel at genting..it's a school's outing...60 of us entrepreneurship students..i'm looking forward to it...coz....KL's night life is happening man!!! ooPs..nah, just wanna get away from where i am now...i need a break...a grasp of fresh genting highlands air...Anyone wanna come along? *keKe*