~*/ m | c h 3 L L 3 \*~

feel like an ant today...so hardworking... ran all around singapore today.. woke up at 9am.. went hougang to teach Mikki till 11am.. then went to St Nicks' to see Fanny's PSLE results... well, she got 240.. so, i still maintain the highest PSLE score of 245 in my family! *keke* but this year's standard really very high... even the newspaper published that the science paper was not in the syllybus at all... but Fanny got all A's..not too bad.. that time i still got higher chinese.. but useless one lah..only add to my exam work load.. then mummy went too.. so all throughout, i was chatting with her.. she miss me.. keke..

She told me to visit my nanny and grandfather frequently.. coz they're old already... then took care of me when i'm young.. so i should go and visit them... so i've made up my mind.. i'm gonna visit grandfather & nanny monthly.. grandfather on the 3rd week, nanny on the 4th week..

Mummy's gonna retire.. then she told me some of her worries..that scared money not enough.. i guess that will push me to strive harder now.. really.. but i really dunno how to organise my time..

then after PSLE results, i went shaw to teach again.. then went to aranda to help Jiarui check in his class chalet.. damn far.. took me 1.5 hours to travel there... decided that i dun wanna take bus home, so i demanded $10 from their class fund as my transport fee, so i'm home! :)

still having gastric.. pain! gonna have dinner soon.. lalala~ and lorraine's labtop is back! just annouce for her.. coz i know she's happy..

oh! and i read jiaxin's blog yesterday.. wah piangz... damn exciting man...machiam scandal.. never mind.. i'm a bitch myself.. actually i suddenly came to realised that girls from girls' school are quite daring, compared to mixed school.. i dunno how to put it across... it's just that the way we do things are different.. i'm sure Girls' school girls will understand what i'm talking about..

H.U.N.G.R.Y

oh man.. finally, 4 wisdom teeth were extracted! went Alexandra hospital on wed... darling drove me and mummy there... and i was then asked to remove all jewellery and change into the sugery 'gown'...then suppose to lie down on the bed and they monitor my situation.. so scary.. i took blood test and i cry like hell...so paiseh... luckily the nurses were nice..

then they have to put the "tube" into my vein...and my wrist there... so that i can be put on drip.. freak out man! but anyhow, i made friends with the nurses there .. so i wasn't so bored.. then when time comes... i walk to the surgery room... i was told to lie down.. so scary...all the equipment around me... then.. the nurse talked to me.. i know..he was trying to divert my attention... coz i know.. at that time.. i'm gonna be knock out.. the nurse asked "girl..wat's your weight".... i remembered replying "it's confidential.. i know you're trying to divert my attention.. and i can feel something.. i'm gonna sleep soon, bye bye~"...haha..lame... then when i woke up, everything was over. woke up with 2 gauze stuff in my mouth.. then nurse passed me the 4 teeth that was extracted..however..it was short of one.. haha.. nurse say that particular tooth was unique, dentist decides to take photograph of it and keep it... hmm... wonder how it looks like...

supposed to go remove the stitches today.. still must pay $27 *HMPH* but can't make it today.. hafta go another time then.. perhaps tmr... wonder how issit like to remove the stitches...eecks.. better not be painful..

After the surgery, i have to take like 7 pills after meal.. antibiotics, painkillers..etc... then gastric came... sigh... pain like shit.. for a few days already.. wanna die..

Mummy's gonna retire soon.. and i've to strive doubly hard.. coz i know. she'll depend on me in future..

it's time...for the extraction of my wisdom tooth... scared! i'm waiting now... for darling to wake up... then fetch my mom.. then off we go to alexandra hospital for the surgery.. scared, really very scared.. i'm not exactly afraid of the surgery.. the thing i'm really afraid of is the injection! oh well.. darling promised to be there..

sometimes, darling's waking up habit really get on my nerves.. it's a feat to overcome, trying to wake him up.. i just dun wanna bother anymore.. let him lead his own life.. and that i dun need to depend on him for fear that my schedule of the day will all be messed up... army will do him good...

there are butterflies, caterpillars, snakes, worms etc... crawling in my stomach now... off to the loo... wish me speedy tooth recovery!

it's been a few weeks already... that i've moved away.. everything's almost in place now.. my stuff...furniture...etc....

just came back from YCK from teaching Daniel.. Mrs Koh asked me if i was interested in teaching IT music at childcare centres.. well, i said i was open to new stuff.. and told her to contact me with the details :)

going for a tooth extraction on wed morning..it's gonna hurt like shit.. i know.. 4 wisdom tooth(What do you expect?).. gotta be at alexandra at 9am.. operations starts at 10am.. probably be discharged at 2-3pm.. i'm actually quite alright with the idea of extracting the 4 wisdom tooth, just that i'm really afraid of needles! the thought of having to be put on drip and injected with annestatic freaks me out...can they like put me to sleep using smell, then put the drip when i'm unconcious? at least i won't feel the pain.. and darling's going zao hui... so he can't be with me.. i'll be asleep anyway.. as long as before i sleep and after i wake up he's there can already...but dunno he free or not *sobz*

I'm supposed to leave him alone for one and a half months... to do the things he should do.. i know... and admit that i'm partially the one holding him back.. am i selfish? i too wish for him to succeed..so that i can have a better life next time *keke* no lah.. just that i understand he doesn't have much time left.. but these few weeks.... too many things have happened to me... over-whelming i would say.. i can't really handle them all.. it's like emotions all fighting inside me.. i just dunno how to express it.. i'll just keep them in my thoughts..

I'm only 20.. it's the start of my life.. my future will be bright.. dun ask me how & why... i just know it will...

I moved out!..finally! Many emotions and feelings, dunno how to express them all..

I miss my mummy, and i know my mummy miss me.. we've been keeping contact over the phone.. have never felt so close to her before... i know she loves me, and i love her too.. She called me today, asking me how i was adapting outside home.. then she told me she also left home at the age of 18 to be on her own.. she says it's good for me.. i can learn to be independent.. and to focus on what i wanna do in life, and to succeed in whatever i do...

*Listening to "Journey" by Zhang Shao Han... it's indeed a long long journey... have never expected myself to have come this far..

Darling has been very sweet... hmm...i dunno how and what to say over her.. it seems like both of us has come a long way.. we're still trying to adapt to each other's living habits.. it's interesting though..

well.. i just have to end off by saying " Thank God for Mummy"!

haven't blogged for ages... dun feel like blogging all of the sudden.. so many events had happened, duno where to start...

i'm going to move outta my house.. i just cannot stay in the environment anymore.. it sucks happiness away from me.. not that i dun love my family, just that..i need to be away... i dunno if mummy can understand.. but i'm gonna bring it up to here very soon.. that i'm gonna leave home.. and when i'm ready, i'll be home again.. ready meaning.. i've acheived wat i want.. dunno where to shift to.. darling ask me to shift to his house.. i feel like it.. but i have to ponder.. i've looked into classifed ads, and they have rooms over at sembawang..thot i'll live nearer to darling, so he can send me home easily.. rental's from $200 to $350.. depending on whether i use aircon or not.. if i shift over to dar's place.. wat if we quarrel? or...... i dunno.. ultimately, i'm still living at someone's house.. dun really have the total freedom.. wat should i do? anyhow, i'll come out with the decision at the end of the month..

Jimmy should be in China now.. wonder how's he.. together with his family.. i suppose he has alot of things to tell them.. he haven't been back home for almost a year! it'll be a good time for them to fellowship with one another.. recieved an email from him yesterday.. telling us he's fine... well, i'm happy for him.. really looking forward to the good news that he'll bring..

I'm really very astonished by the step he's taken.. forgo 2 modules' exam and go back to china coz of biz.. it's really because of him that gives me the drive to do what i should be doing.. and with the latest promotion... i dun really have anymore excuse to succeed... i'm really determined.. but the only thing that's holding me back is the environment i'm staying in.. i gotta move.. i really have to.. well, i'll just strive hard this 3 months...and everything will be over.. or rather, a start or another journey!

failed driving again... perhaps i'm just not cut out to drive.. however, i'll just go on.. i'll just make it one day..

suddenly felt so lifeless... haven't been to movies for months, no shopping, no entertainment.. my life's just dwelling around money.. sometime i wonder if this is life's true meaning.. i only ponder and feel emotional over 2 issues...that's money and relationship.. money is still very important to me, however relationship ... be it family, friends, bgr etc.. i can't seem to feel anymore.. money seems to be riding on top of it.. isn't it just so fake? so artificial? i told myself.. i can do without relationship.. how true is that, i dunno...

also, i begin to feel the drift between darling and i... no longer like before.. perhaps i'm just being too sensitive... i feel that we're with each other because we need each other's company.. if not because of work, i doubt we'll still be hanging onto each other.. am i thinking too much? i do admit that i'm reliant on him.. think i'll be so lost without him.. dunno.. we're both very different in thinking.. and even the ways we do things.. sometimes our ideas clashes.. mood swings plays many roles in our relationship.. despite all the differences, of coz... there are similarities as well.. our interest...etc.....

i'm beginning to feel that i'm going into depression.. someone save me..

it's raining.. i'm alone at home... got back from teaching 2 students, still have 3 more in the evening...

was chatting with a taxi-driver on my way home.. was telling him what i'm doing.. he was bloody impressed with me.. saying a 20 year old girl... teaches piano and coaches swimming.. well, it kinda feels like a norm.. not special feelings towards it..

i feel that my life is totally different from all my friends... as in, i feel like i'm having all the time in the world (It's bad...i know).... i'm too comfortable with my life now to make any changes..just that, i feel that i'm different from the rest of my friends...to the extend that... i feel totally OUT... i seldom talk to them anymore.. all busy with school and work... and i'm bloody free... friends around me are superficial.. not true.. i can't speak to anyone heart to heart now.. not like in the past..

i dunno... i somehow wish i could go back to simple life... but i know, i can't.. and i cannot! coz mummy pins all her hope on me... i have to make it happen... mummy health is detoriorating... scary.. not sure what it is... gotta wait for report to be out.. she'll be fine...God's with her...

s.i.m.p.l.i.c.i.t.y